“Love – is being together in grief and in joy”

13.05.13 | Category: About Family
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“Love – is being together in grief and in joy”

Recently something sad had happened in my life. Italian soccer team, of which I’m a big fun for 20 years, lost final game in Euro. Everyone is talking about it now. I won’t discuss the soccer game details with you. Not every girl is interested in it. I’m going to talk about something different.

When someone is a winner he is everyone’s hero. Remember when 4 years ago so many good comments were said about our soccer team. Indeed they won a bronze medal! And this year? When someone looses the game, he immediately becomes a “looser”. And many people walk away from him. Fans, supporters…  and others.

It’s very easy to love a winner. He is already famous. It doesn’t matter how he made it to the top. What important is that everybody respect him. It’s easy to love a husband when everything he does goes well. Work, money, spirituality. He gives diamonds and invites to spend a vocation on the beach. He cares about woman, listen to what she says and fulfill all men’s responsibilities. How can we possibly not to “love” him? Only a very spoiled girl will not be satisfied. But how can we love a “loser”?


What is love? Love means being together in grief and in joy. And what the subject or an object of love is does not really matter. Even if it’s just soccer. Or hockey. Or tennis. Or Family. It does not matter. Because feelings are the same. Real fans stick to their favorite team even if it loses the game.  Even when this team goes through misfortune and difficult time.  But fake fans leave, those who stay only with winners and/or with those who is right.  They leave cursing the loser.

The same rules work in a family. When woman loves her husband she stays with him if he became weak. When he has financial or personal crisis. When he is under the pressure or goes through a critical time of his life. When he is poor and weak. When he doesn’t have a house or a job.  When he has a spiritual crisis.


But if a woman wants only to enjoy their time together, get gifts and complements, if she asks him to care about her a lot – eventually she leaves. She quits in a difficult for a man time, cursing him. She says that he couldn’t make her happy. She says that he couldn’t and didn’t want to make her dreams to come true. Many things come out. This is our ego. This is our perception in search of a pleasure. It rejects the possibility of a crisis and thought of serving to dear man.

Of course everybody want to have a happy life. For example, I wish the guys who really deserved the prize cup would get it in the tournament, crushing the main favorites.  And then it’s not just a professional play and a good luck but something else, something more than us.

Everybody wish to live with their families in their own house, to have a good job, good children. But it also happens that difficulties occur. The newborn baby can have retarded development, world crisis may happen, husband can loose his job… We don’t have insurance from all these events. We will never have it.


And what can help us? A search for a guilty one? Fighting in a relationship? Or may be it’s the support of our loved ones, belief and a prayer?

I vote for love. And the main action and consequence of love is faith. Real and universal. This is the faith that doesn’t afraid of crises and defeats. Like it is in the movie “Courageous”. The faith as decembrists’ wives had. As in wedding vows.  To stay together in joy and grief; illness and wellness. Until death do us apart.

Therefore I’m not ashamed that I’m a fan of Italian team. I can proudly go to the streets holding their flag despite the fact that they lost that one single game. To me it doesn’t change their image.

What important is that it was an experience. This experience teaches me to be faithful despite of everything. Love is an action. It is a verb.”

Olga Valyaeva – valyaeva.com

Translated by Marina M.

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