What is love? To love – it is a verb

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Modern women don’t like that in the East husbands are selected for girls by their parents in childhood. For Europeans it is strange. But there is a grain of truth. Knowing that she already has a husband, a girl doesn’t look for anybody. The same for a boy – he can study with no worry and doesn’t get distracted. Indians say “You marry the one whom you love. We learn to love the one whom we are marring.

This is the Great Truth about Love.

If we are already married, we must learn to love the person who is next to us. European women have a great advantage: we have a possibility to choose a man whom we like to be our husband. We should only begin to love him.

Stephen R. Covey in his book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families” gives one example. After the workshop one man came to him and said that he no longer loves his wife.

“What should I do?” – he asked.
“Love her” – Stephen answered.
“Probably you didn’t understand me. I no longer love her”.
“Moreover, you should start to love her. To love – it is a verb. It means “to act”. Take care of her, listen to her, and try to understand her. Learn to love her.”

Alas, modern families are short of just this understanding. Understanding that love is not just a mix of hormones which usually disappears in 18 months. Love is work and actions.

“Love has full of suffering and has goodness. Love isn’t envious. Love doesn’t exalt, love doesn’t take pride, love doesn’t run riot, love doesn’t look for a profit, love doesn’t get irritated and love thinks no evil. Love doesn’t rejoice at dishonesty but rejoices at truth. Love covers everything. Love believes everything; love hopes; love endures everything. Love is endless.” (Corinthians)

If we check every item, we will see the following.

• Love has full of suffering. It means Love is able to conquer the feelings of offence and displeasure. Love is able to forgive the hurtful words, claims, misunderstandings, the opposite view and outlook.

• Love is merciful. It means love is able to tolerate errors; love is ready to understand, help and support, unselfishly.

  

• Love doesn’t envy. It means Love appreciate what it has. Love doesn’t compare its level of happiness with a neighbour’s happiness. “I have exactly what I need”.

• Love is not puffed up and proud. It means that a loving person can easily renounce being right and can stop to say “I” for any reasons and in any situations. And it’s also about the absence of contempt and arrogance.

• Love doesn’t behave outrageously. It means there is no love in hysterics and scandals. There is no love in shouts and in assault and battery. It is not possible to find love in any forms of violence and cruelty. In spite of the cruelty it can be silent sometimes, for example when you ignore your partner.

• Love doesn’t look for a benefit. It means love is able to sacrifice its time, its attention, its pastime, its comfort for the happiness of a loving partner.

• Love doesn’t get irritated. It means a loving person is able to accept his partner as he is, without trying to change him.

• Love doesn’t think about evil. It means love is far from the ideas of revenge and justice like “an eye for an eye” etc. There is no love in reproaches, provoking remarks and sarcastic jokes.

• Love doesn’t delight dishonesty but rejoices with the truth. It means a loving person is always honest and truthful. Although the truth is not always beautiful and easy. Such type of behavior is a base for trust.

• Love covers everything and believes everything. It means love doesn’t listen to gossip, love is trustful, with a whole heart. Love without trust is not love.

• Love is always hopefull. It means that sometimes we can only hold on to the hope, and only this will save us in the difficult times. Even if it seems there is nothing to hope, love is able to save.

• Love endures everything. It means love is able to truly forgive, with a whole heart. Even if the loving person acts badly, is upset and is in pain. Love is able to forgive, but not from a position of arrogance, like the naughty kitten, but from a position of love and acceptance.

• Love is endless. It means love NEVER finishes. Love doesn’t depend on external circumstances. It neither depends on the behaviour of the partner, nor on somebody else’s behaviour. Love always exists.

Love is my ability to sacrifice my comfort and righteousness for somebody’s happiness (the main point – not to overdo it, because to sacrifice the comfort is not the same as to sacrifice everything).

It doesn’t look like the picture of perpetual joy which we often draw in our mind. That is why we are not able to build happy families, because we don’t understand what is love really is and how it is to love in reality.

To love – it is a verb.

Translation: Tatiana Gurieva

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