Everything lost for my family ?
This is a chapter from the book “The Art of being a wife and a muse”.
There are several criteria that your marriage is not in the best shape and is close to collapse.
More precisely, there are only three criteria, and any woman can easily see and check them (because the view here indicates namely a wife’s attitude).
1. Husband does not like his wife’s cooking – and he often eats out (and later on at other women’s places).
2. Husband does not like to talk to his wife – and he’s talking to other women.
3. Husband does not like to spend money on his wife – and he starts to spend it on other women.
If at least one point happens to be in your relationship – you should urgently change something in yourself, as your family is at threat. And if you see two or all three points – you can alert on the Emergency Situation. Mobilize all resources and organize a rescue operation.
We will save not only and not so much your relationship as you and your soul. Because a woman, whose family is being destroyed, is in a very difficult position. It is a clear signal for her how far she has walked off her feminine path and herself.
Maybe she was never at ease with herself, thus got married the first comer, and it was initially difficult to keep such a family together and live in harmony.
Maybe, and that is more likely, during the marriage she has been too much absorbed by children, kitchen and career, having forgotten something very important. A woman becomes a real Woman next to a Man. The Man she loves, in whom she believes. While helping him to take off sky-high, she blossoms like a flower. And without such an experience all her life will be dull and meaningless.
Maybe she is not that very far away from her path, and just needs to make a few important tasks to let the ship again follow its right direction to happiness.
Or perhaps the situation is really bad, and a woman will have to work hard and spend a lot of time in order to reverse the family boat. Maybe even a few years.
Each of us has her own history and her own lessons. But what is important for each of us not to give up, no matter how difficult the situation is. I saw women who had to change just a little bit, but they did not dare to do so. And I saw other women, who had to work on the problems for a few years, but they were persistent in their intentions and kept on working hard.
No matter where we are, how many chances we have and how much time lost. What really matters is whether we are ready to change. Are we ready to say goodbye to our selfishness, pride, envy, greed? After all, all external enemies – it is only a reflection of our internal enemies that are the same for everyone.
I’ve seen the families where the wife raised her husband from the very deep bottom with the power of her love. I vow the women, whose heavy drinking husbands have turned into successful and loving. Nobody believed in it, nobody understood it, but it did happen. And I know the women next to which the transformation was regressive. The woman blamed her man for this, though she herself had made a significant contribution into it.
Even if now you are not able to save the relationship – anything can happen, and it’s all in God’s hands. Even if in this game you will be defeated. In practice, your inner transformation will be your gain. In the new condition, you’ll be able to build different relationship and not destroy them.
No matter what you’ll benefit from the changes.
That’s why I want to tell you that it’s never late. Even if you are well on in years, and gave up hope to start a family, maybe your inner transformation will bring to you a partner or the business of your life. Even if now you give up and have no strength left. Even if you think that nothing can be fixed.
Watch the movie “Fireproof,” that describes how one man changed everything that when he decided to change himself. Despite the fact that his wife had filed for divorce. He did not try to change her, he transformed himself. And he managed not only to keep the family together, but also to find himself. And that’s also a very valuable bonus.
And also call to your memory how we usually save and take care of our severely ill relatives. We are doing all that depends on us, and even more. We are ready to suffer the inconvenience, we take care, we tolerate, when the patient is not in the mood. It does not depend on us, whether he gets well or not. We’ll try to save him in any case. Why not to apply the same principle in the family relationships? Despite what fate the Lord has arepared for them, do everything possible to save them and do your duty.
Olga Valyaeva — www.valyaeva.com
translated by Svetlana Prishchenko